If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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