I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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