im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
