i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
