Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
