it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
