If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
