cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
