she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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