I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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