is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
