I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
