my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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