Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
