So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
