The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
