Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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