More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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