Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
