You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
