PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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