i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
