My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
