Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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