Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
