his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
