4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
