After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
