I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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