My nipple is on Facebook.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
