Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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