guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
