Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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