Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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