Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
