Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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