Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
