we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
