just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
