Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
