I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Two words: blizzard sex
I think pants incapable of making pants work
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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