i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
