My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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