He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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