I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
