She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
