look no pants
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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