tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
