im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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