You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
