Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
